Zombies.

(Before I begin, I shall state my purpose for writing this particular blog post: I have been too serious lately. I’ve been thinking too much lately. I’ve been too beautifully consumed with enlightening thoughts lately. I feel that my reader might be getting bored and lulled into my patternized thoughts. So, I’m mixing it up a bit. I’ve posted nothing like this before. (It’s also crucial to mention that I can count on one hand how many video games I’ve played in my entire life. Nor have I read any zombie books/guides.) So, I might be completely oblivious to the entire issue at hand, but, regardless, this is how I intend to kick some zombie ass. Cheers.)

Alright kids, I’m going to reveal my plan of defense against the Zombie Apocalypse. It’s inevitable that the apocalypse will happen. By nature of it being an “apocalypse” every single person will die. Including you. Including me. No one will survive. My goal, then, is to slay as many damn zombies as possible before being overcome by the living dead. Let me briefly fill you in about the nature of zombies as I understand them. They are dead humans that are brought back to life by a scientist in a lab somehow (it’s not important). They are the fittest version of their living self while still being dead. Their brains don’t work, nor do their hearts. But they can still function. They are blazing fast and startlingly strong and are attracted to the scent of humans but they have no coordination. This is how I understand zombies to work. If it’s wrong or inaccurate, I don’t care because my defensive tactics are impeccable.

Okay, so I pointed out that my goal is to demolish as many hellions as possible despite the knowledge of inevitable death. According to my understanding of zombie-nature, the only way to defeat a zombie is by separating the head from its shoulders or inflicting substantial damage to the head of the thing. As soon as the news reaches my ears that America has been infected by zombies I will immediately move to Virginia. I have, in my uncle’s house, prepared a highly armed Dixie Chopper (a very agile four wheel lawn mower that is controlled by two handles that individually direct the motion of the mower). On this Dixie Chopper are several reserve batteries to reload and re-energize. Along with the batteries are two 50 gallon side tanks of spare gas. Approximations show that the best Dixie Chopper burns about 1 gallon of gas per hour. That gives me roughly 130 hours of chopping. So, anyway, I’ll be heading to Arlington Cemetery in Virginia. Why? Because it is the largest most organized cemetery in the country. It would require very little skill in the art of Dixie maneuverability; I'd just ride up and down the rows. 

I will take my Dixie Chopper lawn mower to the cemetery and run over all the zombies that are popping up out of the ground because they’ve been bit and are rising back from the dead. They will be no challenge to the 52 inch blade of my lawn mower. However, they will eventually start popping up way too fast for me to keep up with. What I neglected to mention before is that my lawn mower will have two reinforced, super sturdy iron rods shaped like hockey sticks with blades protruding from them. When the zombies begin to rise from the graves and run after me, I will eject my blades, run them over. This allows me to cover a much wider spread with my “bladed wings”. Also I can just spin around in circles which will clear a twenty foot radius, giving me room to maneuver, re-adjust, and buy me time to come up with a game plan of attack.

Obviously, there will come a point where it is just altogether overwhelming and they begin to jump on to my lawn mower. Well, while in seminary I met a fine man. His name is José. He was our Hispanic maintenance guy. Fantastic dude. I reckon that he’ll be game for my plan. (If not, I’m accepting applications and will be hosting tryouts if you want to be my teammate in this endeavor.) Anyway, there will be a seat attached right behind the driver seat and José will be slightly raised above me, the driver. He is expertly trained in sniperhood. He’s a damn good shot. He’ll be responsible for the long-range picking off of zombies. He is also responsible for refilling the gas tank and changing the batteries. When the point comes that the zombies become way too challenging, José has the option to employ the self-eject button in which he will be launched into the air while attached to a parachute. But that’s his choice. I see that as a last ditch effort to avoid the zombies but it is inevitable that the whole land is infested at this point and he will be immediately transformed to zombieness once he has landed and is infected by the bite of a zombie.

I don’t really want to have a two man team but it’s better than going solo and it’s definitely better than a team of more than two because if one person within the “family” is infected then it will be much easier for that now-zombie to infect the other members. If José was to be bitten, I would have no choice but to ditch him. And vice versa. I would want José to shoot me in the head if I turned on him.

Anyway, once the point comes that I can’t take it anymore or my fuel is running low, I retreat to my house in Virginia. This house is highly prepared for the specific circumstance of a Zombie Apocalypse. First of all, I will have many years worth of food stored in the attic and the basement. Next, the house functions off the grid. There is zero external dependency: no heat, no electricity, no water, nothing comes from the outside world. It is positioned next to a river: hydroelectric power. Windmills: wind power. Solar panels: solar power. Plus, I have a wood stove for warmth and hot water. Meanwhile, there is a generator that is capturing and holding all excess energy for future use.

This house will probably be invaded at some point in the future. What’s my defense, you ask? I have treadmills surrounding the house. Not just one row deep but two rows deep. When the zombies eventually stumble upon my house they will run at it and merely get caught on the treadmills as they are trying to approach my house. Not to mention, I have a turret that protrudes from the top of my house in which I will be able to pick them off with assorted weaponry: grenades, bow and arrow, pistols, shotguns, sniper guns, bazookas, etc.

Eventually, though, I’m sure that they will be able to reach me when one of the treadmills dies or something. Then, I guess, my time has come. But you can bet your ass that I did my damnedest to save humanity. In the great words of William Wallace, "FREEEEDOM!!"

Prayer?

Let’s start with this: I’m no theologian. This is not an original idea but a beautiful concept that I’ve stumbled upon. Karl Rahner S.J. in On Prayer did something similar that I am about to do with the Our Father. (Or, rather, I'm doing something similar to what he did.) It is a common problem (especially among Catholics) to become complacent and merely gloss over the words of formulated prayers. Hence why so many people get bored while praying the Rosary or don’t have a personal relationship with Christ. However, Rahner tells his reader (and I agree) to pray despite boredom.  True prayer is an invocation of the name of God, right? True prayer is prayer in the Holy Spirit, right? Well, he says that everyday, common, boring prayer leads the Holy Spirit in to the soul for strong and powerful encounters. Most beautifully he says, “If he feels himself incapable of praying, he must nevertheless kneel, join his hands, speak words of prayer even if he feels that these words come only from his lips and that his heart remains unmoved.”

I wrote this in ten minutes. I could’ve put more thought, time, and prayer into it but it was too good of an idea for me not to start writing on right this minute and I’m busy the rest of the night to give it the time it deserves. Regardless, it was an outstanding and very fruitful experience but it’s nothing much so I might revisit it later. That being said, it was good prayer and sought to avoid what I’ve been discontent with in my own spiritual life lately--that of blandness. Consider making a project like this every week for the duration of Lent.

Our Father,
My daddy. My dad. My heavenly Father. My personable Father. The one that I trust and cling to throughout everything.
who art in Heaven,
- Who created all the Heavens. Who is the Almighty Creator of the majestic expanse of the Universe.
hallowed be Thy Name.
- Holy be your most High name. You are worthy of praise. I should fall down at the sound of Your name.
Thy kingdom come,
- Bring your kingdom among us. Bring your presence fully to our lives. Infiltrate the fiber of my very being. Let me fully be one in union with You.
Thy will be done,
- Allow me to be receptive and courageous in the face of Your eternal will, that which is greater than all else, that it may be carried out. You know all.
on Earth as it is in Heaven.
- Bring to fruition your plan here and now. We desire You with enthusiasm.
Give us this day our daily bread
- I need your nourishment. You are the source of strength, courage, love, forgiveness, humility, patience, everything. As my body can’t go a day without food, nor can my soul go a minute without prayer. Give me the patience to hear you but the courage to initiate conversation.
and forgive us our trespasses
- Forgive me. I’ve sinned against You, myself, and everyone else.
as we forgive those who trespass against us
- Give me the strength to be able to have but one ounce of Your patience to forgive.
and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
Bring me perfectly back into you.
AMEN.
- I believe this wholeheartedly and I'm more confused than ever but I still trust in You.


Remember that “God is more true the center of our being than we are ourselves” and that “Deep in our hearts there is a profound restlessness because God has given us a thirst for the Infinite, for the Incomprehensible, for Himself.”

The Greatest Human Emotion: Suffering.

I usually attempt to write without clear bias in favor of religion on the grounds of trying to appeal to the general secular public. I also believe that if you take God out of the equation and argue on a agnostic foundation then the argument only becomes stronger. With this method, you can more easily converse with the believer and it just becomes icing on the cake once you bring God in to support your argument. If you can prove a point without God and later support it with God, you’ve got the debate in the bag.

However, with this particular thought, I am unable to eliminate the bias of God. He must be included. I’m writing on the topic of suffering. All too many times do people use suffering and the evils that people must endure on a daily basis as a disproof for God. I, on the other hand, see suffering as a distinct proof for God. It’s radical, I know. It’s a thought that must take root in people’s mind.

Here goes it.

Every day people seem to say, “Why me?”, “Why did that innocent child die?”, “Why is this happening?”, “Would a truly good God allow this to happen?” Suffering is a phenomena that plagues humankind. We are struck with grief day in and day out. We are forced into some kind of suffering, angst, sorrow, and pain. We instinctively try avoid it. And naturally so because it hurts. It hurts us to our deepest core. We cry. We isolate ourselves. We avoid suffering at all costs. And I don’t blame us for doing it. But there’s a greater response to this suffering than to merely and arbitrarily avoid it.

There are a plethora of choices to deal with these sources of pain. Depression? There’s Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Celexa, to name a few. Massive industries are built to eliminate suffering: psychiatry, enormous multi-billion dollar drug companies, counselors, etc. Unemployed? There’s welfare, unemployment checks, go find a job, work at McDonald’s until you find another job, go get a better education, etc. Dealing with death? Mourn, grieve; these things are socially acceptable. Oh, your daughter died? Well I wouldn’t blame you if you locked yourself in your room and slept 18 hours a day. This is the society that we live in. And again, I’m not bashing it but there’s a better response to these things than eliminating these points of suffering.

I’m contesting that suffering is the greatest human emotion. There’s more potential to grow from this emotion than any other feeling that we can possibly feel. And there’s also more terror that we could walk into because of this emotion. Suffering is “the greatest” in terms of the drastic gamut of results that it can produce, from complete despair and suicide to perfect hope and assurance. If treated and viewed properly, suffering is our greatest ally. If left untreated and ignored or negatively acted upon, suffering is our greatest enemy. And oh how many times do we choose the latter!

Suffering. The mother that loses her child, the kid who has no hope for life, the anguish and bitterness of love, the helplessness of being truly sick with cancer. Every person has some radical form of suffering that they are always dealing with. But in suffering we find hope. Suffering intimately leads us to the heart of love, if we are right minded about the issue.

Look, if there was no suffering and life completely and always made sense, how, then, would Jesus have been brutally tortured? Christ seems to be calling us to face up to our greatest fears. He calls His disciples away from their comfortable livings as fishermen and tax collectors. He calls them to the Cross. He roughly says, “It isn’t going to be easy and you guys are going to see some things that you’d never want to see but the reward is infinite. Trust me on this one.” Give up your money. Be hated. Drop your jobs. Take up your cross.

 Jesus Himself suffered immensely, perhaps more than any other human to walk the earth. Being God, He knew everything. Imagine if you knew everything. I know that if I knew everything I wouldn’t be able to live a sane life, especially if I knew the day and time and method of my being slaughtered. Jesus dealt with completely ignorant idiots (ie the Pharisees, the Sadducees, even His own best friends), the stress of His ministry to get people to realize that He actually is God, during the Agony in the Garden just hours before one of His closest friends turns Him over for a couple dollars. Could you even begin to imagine these things happening to you? You try to convince the world that you’re God. It hurts when your own best friend just minorly lies to you; could you imagine your best friend betraying you and turning you over to your killer? Could you imagine being so distraught as to begin sweating blood while your best buds fall asleep instead of consoling you while you cry? Could you imagine being innocent and yet being put on Death Row? Could you imagine a thorn bush being beaten into your head? Could you imagine walking barefoot on roads of rocks with a 125 pound log on your shoulders in minimal clothing for even just a quarter of a mile while being whipped, hit in the face, taunted, tripped, kicked, laughed at? Could you imagine nails piercing your body? Could you imagine the equivalent of sour milk being offered to your lips while you hang from a tree as people jeer at you? Imagine these things as if you were truly the Son of God. You know you’re right. You know you’re God. Ha! But everybody just stares and laughs while you struggle to breathe and are hanging by nails on planks of wood still covered with abrasive bark as you have widely open wounds over the entirety of your body. What about your closest friends? Where are they? Hmm, well, nobody knows. Only your mother and one of your friends are there weeping helplessly, not being able to do anything about the world’s greatest injustice.This is true suffering.

But as God, all you have to say is, “Father in Heaven, forgive them. I love them regardless.” In the Garden, previous to His death sentence, Christ was overwhelmed by every single sin of the world, from Adam and Eve all the way to the last sin of the last man to ever walk the earth. The devil barraged Him with every trick in His book. Three hours of being in that forest in complete and utter agony, nearer to despair than He’s ever been. And He was God! Yet even He suffered. If there was a good God, people say, then this would have never happened. To that I simply say, bullocks!!

Listen, the plain truth of suffering is that Christ calls us to it. Day by day we are asked to walk into and face our pain. Not run from it. Walk into it. He asks us to give up money. My dad lost his job last year and shattered his leg. You don’t think that’s been a huge source of suffering? It has. My 22 year old cousin’s 4 year old baby girl died a month ago. You don’t think that’s been a huge source of suffering? It has. My grandpa developed cancer, was put in hospice, struggled to breathe, was forced to eat, and died. You don’t think that was a major source of suffering? It was. Kids commit suicide all the time. You don’t think that’s the result/creates suffering? It is/does. This stuff happens all the time. It’s a brutal reality of our existence. Where is the meaning in it all?! How is this supposed to make sense?! Why is suffering the greatest human emotion?!

Humans have this distinct ability to make meaning out of nothing. We can come up with reasonable explanations for 9/11, tsunamis, tornadoes, unemployment, death, war, hunger, suicide, and every other thing that haunts our existence. So here is my justification for it all.

Let us reflect on stories from the New Testament such as the leper, the adulterous woman, the truly outcasted from society, the Roman guard, the poor, Lazarus, the blind man, the paralyzed man. Once they confronted suffering, they found themselves at the feet of Jesus. The leper in Roman time was banned from the city and was often left on the side of the road with nothing and most usually died of starvation. One day when wallowing in grief and pain, he was met by Christ coincidently. In his complete suffering the leper, while being ignored by the people that tried to ignore him while passing by, humbly grasped at Jesus’ cloak. Get this, Jesus said, “By your faith and hope, you are healed.” In this man’s suffering he is met with the face of Christ and is healed. Suffering leads us intimately to the heart of love. In his suffering we find Christ.

We are all asked to live lives full of suffering. That’s the nature of being human, to suffer. It’s inevitable. We are told to go to the cross. What in God’s good name is so great about suffering?! Why are we told to be crucified? Because this is where we find our true essence. This is where we find out who we actually are.

Compassion. Compassion is Latin for “to suffer with”. Who is the most compassionate character to have been human? Jesus Christ. It follows, then, that He has suffered with His people the most. He takes on our suffering with us. This is how we find Him. He ultimately takes on and walks with us in our suffering more than we do ourselves.

If everything were honky-dory all the time, how would we find God? Where would the meaning of life be in that? How could we come to know that there is something more if everything were perfectly laid out for us? In suffering we are intimately led to the heart of love. Suffering must be a proof for God or at least a validation of the words that Jesus gave us, “Pick up your cross and come with me.” In fact, it would be the greatest disproof for God if the world was set up perfectly and there was no conflict, suffering, hate, or fear.

My final words. Love is great, joy is fantastic, hope is wonderful, fear is powerful. But suffering is breathtaking. It can be positively breathtaking or negatively breathtaking. Wallow in your suffering, but figure it out, work through it, find God. Above all, it is great to “give up one’s life for another” so, at the very least, be compassionate. Suffer with your friends, and for that matter, with your enemies. People are suffering of starvation; we are called to suffer with them. Be hungry. People have no water; we are called to suffer with them. Be dirty for a day. People have no beds; we are called to suffer with them. Have restless sleep on the floor for a night. People have lost their parents or kids; we are called to suffer with them. Appreciate your parents and kids--tell them you love them. The ultimate form of compassion and solidarity must be prayer. Pray with and for these people, for yourself. In prayer we divinely unite ourselves with humanity and God Himself. In prayer we imitate Jesus; we take on suffering of our brother and sister, friend and enemy.

Lastly, there’s no need to be a masochist and to search out suffering. If you look hard enough, it’s already there in your life. That’s what life is about, to suffer. We are empty people. However, we’ve been created to fill this emptiness with something that’s not of the physical world. It’s a helpless, hopeless feeling. But it’s one that will most fully bring you to your knees. It’s a feeling that will give you the greatest sense of fulfillment.

Oh my God, and I truly do mean “oh my God”, could you even imagine the world that we could live in if everyone was to bring this viewpoint into their hearts?

Lent is the perfect opportunity to infiltrate this mindset into your daily living if you’ve already screwed up your promises. I know I have. But holy mackerel, what a great alternative. Suffering intimately leads us to the heart of love.

Finally, this leads me back to my first two paragraphs. I find it a little ironic that Suffering, something that is seemingly so unexplainable, is easily explained by the presence of a God and yet more specifically by a God made man.

Shanti.